#Paris of troy

[vampiregirlsblog]

I wanna see this version do bad now.

doing a school play and 2 girls are playing Helen and Paris... lesbian trojan war now canon in my heart

[coco6420]

[jaydenarsonew]

WE GOT ACCURATE LYRIC VIDEOS!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!

yes it'll be the whole musical ALSO it contains stage directions and context!! this is revolutionary!

[athena-goddess-of-wisdom]

Paris of Troy

*sigh* What did he do this time?

[2nd2tar]

in the clerb we all war criminals

there is a correct answer. just fyi

[whispersfromtroy]

SONG 22: What’s the Deal With Achilles?

TELEMACHUS (curious, innocent):

So, what’s the deal with Achilles?

Like, who was that guy?

One minute he's crying, next he’s a legend,

Then he’s just dead—why?

(Silence. Everyone exchanges glances. Then, a chaotic eruption of voices.)

HECTOR (deadpan):

Oh, that guy.

PARIS (shuddering):

Ohhhhhh that guy.

CASSANDRA (whispered, haunted):

Oooooooh, that guy…

TELEMACHUS (confused):

Wait, what does that mean?

AGAMEMNON (booming):

HE WAS A WARRIOR! A DEMIGOD! A FORCE OF FURY!

PATROCLUS (soft, exasperated):

He was also so dramatic…

THETIS (ethereal, tragic):

My sweet little boy was a golden star…

(suddenly furious)

AND THEN YOU ALL RUINED HIM!

HECTOR (tense, recalling the fight):

Fast as the wind—couldn’t be caught,

A rage-filled child who never fought fair!

PARIS (bitter, muttering):

Could’ve just stayed home, but nooooo,

He had to be there…

PATROCLUS (sighing, nostalgic):

But he wasn’t always destruction and war,

He laughed, he sang—

(beat)

…okay, mostly destruction and war.

AGAMEMNON (grumbling):

A pain in my ass…

CASSANDRA (dead serious):

A fire too bright—it had to burn out…

(Dramatic pause. Then, suddenly—)

(Pyrrhus, Achilles' son, steps forward, arms crossed.)

PYRRHUS:

He was my father. A legacy.

And I…? Well, I plan to be better.

(Pause)

TELEMACHUS:

…Uh. Hi.

(Silence.)

TELEMACHUS (spoken):

Uh... so, um, do you—

(He hesitates, clearly caught up in the moment)

PYRRHUS (spoken):

Oh, I’ll tell you all about it later.

HECTOR (clearing throat, loudly):

Excuse me??

(Music screeches to a stop for a second.)

HECTOR (singing, regretfully):

Achilles was my enemy,

But we both shared the same pain,

Fighting for glory, but losing our souls,

Even if we win, we all lose in the end.

THETIS (singing, hauntingly):

My son, my beautiful child…

I knew from the start.

But I still tried to shield him from fate—

I dipped him in the river,

But that’s not how you cheat the gods.

Not even a mother can save him from the fall…

(Pause)

(The song speeds up as everyone fights over what Achilles really was.)

THETIS: A prince!

AGAMEMNON: A pain!

PATROCLUS: A lover!

HECTOR: A menace!

PARIS: A brat!

CASSANDRA: A warning!

PYRRHUS: A father!

TELEMACHUS: A WHAT?!

EVERYONE:

NOBODY KNOWS!

(Beat.)

ODYSSEUS:

I do?

(Telemachus SCREAMS.)

[kidnoodles]

heeeeeeeey 👀

Im very enjoying the au, and my brain is asking "can we see your design of the trojans (espechially Hector)" ?

“especially hector” is so real

i’m not super well versed with the trojans unfortunately </3 but here’s my designs for hector and paris for now! :0

(also yay im glad u are enjoying the au hehe)

[deadbaguette]

Dear children of Priam, were you doomed all along?

[astrothii]

the whole trojan war could have been avoided if paris just. ate the apple in one comically large bite. athena, hera, and aphrodite would have been stunned into silence.

[qinnyanimation]

The extra comic I did for my crack Thai AU (From this if you’re wondering) I still find the concept of reverse iliad where Paris kidnapped Menelaus funny so, here ya go! Even in this universe Paris is still certified freak.

[yourlokalescholar]

Oh my god wait. What if the blessings of the gods manifested physically? Like if a god takes an interest in you, EVERYONE is going to see it, for better or worse. And if you lose their favour? Everyone can see that, too

Jason with a peacock tail and feather-crest, both of which go faded and limp when he turns on Medea, so that they drag on the floor and get in the way

Pollux with eagle wings instead of arms, so Castor acts as his hands and that’s why they’re inseparable. When Castor dies and Pollux splits his immortality with him, they each get one arm and one wing, so one can’t fly without the other

Odysseus with a forked tongue and fangs—a subtle feature that he can hide when he needs to. When Athena feels like being helpful (like when she disguises him as a beggar) she’ll cast an illusion over it, but Penelope immediately recognises him by his lisp

When Athena gives Diomedes the blessing of seeing through the gods’ disguises, he also gets owl eyes and the ability to turn his head 180 degrees. This helps when Odysseus tries to stab him in the back on the Palladium heist

HERACLES WITH BULL HORNS. I have nothing to add I just think that sounds sick as hell

Helen grows beautiful golden feathers instead of hair. Nothing useful, just an obvious sign of her heritage that adds to her appeal to the suitors: whoever wins her hand gets to walk around with a physical symbol of Zeus’s favour

Atalanta with antlers that snap when she gets married, leaving jagged shards behind that won’t go blunt and can’t be sharpened down. She can have her husband, but he can’t touch her head without risking badly cutting himself. This can either be one final blessing or a curse depending on how consensual you interpret the marriage

Hector has pristine white raven wings, making him even more terrifying to the Achaeans, flying into battle like divine intervention, and a symbol of hope for the Trojans. Achilles plucks the feathers off his corpse, but they won’t stop growing back. Still, Achilles has a cloak made from them and wears it into battle, turning Troy’s symbol against them

Paris gets dove wings, but he tells everyone they’re too small to fly with because he’s a coward and doesn’t want to have the same responsibilities as Hector. Then he flies away from the duel with Menelaus in front of the entire army, and that’s when Troy finally loses what’s left of their respect for him

[orpheus-has-lyreizz]

AU where paris is just a little less of a dumbass

[coco6420]

RIP paris of troy, you would've loved spawn camping 😔

[maggie44paint]

Uhhh so I made Menelaus/Helen Iliad Swap AU-

Or as I like to call it Malewife Menelaus AU

Basically everything is the same but Paris kidnaps Menelaus instead of Helen and Helen goes to war to get her husband back!

Nobody dies in the end and they all end up in poly relationship

[ochiody]

paris in the front btw

[wolfythewitch]

Yet think, a day will come, when fate's decree And angry gods shall wreak this wrong on thee; Phoebus and Paris shall avenge my fate, And stretch thee here before the Scaean gate.